1. political. Now I’m not one of those people who say “you know I”m really just not into politics.” Which is really a nice way of saying “I spend the time I should be using to read about current events to look at makeup tutorials on youtube.” Even though I spent nearly an hour online yesterday reading about bubonic plague, I do sometimes make myself aware of things that are going on in this century. But in no way do I see how that qualifies me to be the voice of the nation, or anything.
2.trendy. I give zero fucks about what is going on in the world of fashion. The last time I took a gander, it seemed like every decade of the twentieth century was simultaneously exploding and being stitched back together with tiny third world hands. I like clothes, they keep me warm when it is cold. If said garb makes me look slightly more fuckable/less retarded, that’s pretty cool too. That is all that needs to be said.
3. all funny all the time. Humor is my weapon and my shield. But I have a molten core of sentimentality that may ooze at inappropriate times. Consider yourself warned. Let me hold you while we sob together.
4. all serious all the time. Sometimes people fart at funerals. Life is absurd. I love your brave blog about how you approach your cancer with grace, but while you are laid up at Cedars Sinai nibbling rapini, some poor fuck is getting served in ways you can’t even imagine. Life is a B movie with bad dialogue, a predictable ending and waaaay too many commercials. If you can’t laugh about it, see above.
5. zeitgeist-y. I can’t promise not to blog about pop culture. I love it. But for me to assume that from my command center at my desk in Latonia, Kentucky that I have my FINGER on the PULSE of the ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE, now that, that is ridiculous. Isn’t it?
6. inspiring. I don’t want to be the turd in the punchbowl, but Tedtalks suck. At least in the context I view them. Slumped at my desk, tongueing beef jerky out of my molars, and learning about how some really smart person did something awesome. These talks make me feel bad. Very bad. Then I think about people playing Second Life and I feel better again.
7. honest. This is inherently difficult for me. I think every question has at least five answers. If given the option of A or B, I will pull the fire alarm.
A good window into the chaos and childishness of woman.
This whole blog is extremely disorientating.
I am available for baby making. Please advise.
I just bookmarked the shit outta this blog. Boom.
You are the shit!
I swear this blog is making my morning…..
Hi Nicki. Saw your post on Le Clown and loved it. Love you sense of humor/wit/cynicism.
Hi Nicki, I love reading about what your blog is not. Also, I’m not interested in the things you’re not interested in. Funny is what your blog is. I will return often to read your posts. ~ Dennis
Thanks, man. You have awesome hair, you silver fox, you.
You know, I think I like you.
Thanks, Jackie! I like that you like me.
Good Nicki, I’m glad that you’re glad that I’m glad. Now I’m damned confused. haha!
There’s a lot of shit that your blog is not about. Are you angry? I like angry.
Only when I’m driving. And watching Toddlers and Tiaras.
Nicki, be cautious with this guy. He’s as mad as a hatstand. Must be, he’s been following me for months. He keeps ignoring the restraining order.
Toddlers and Tiaras? Culture gap here. Is this one of those programmes about beauty pageants tiny children>
But the question is: do you ever drive while watching Toddlers and Tiaras?
Just found this. Hysterical! Thank Joe….keep talking neighbor.
Joe Daniels is my number one fan. But unlike Kathy Bates in “Misery”, he has not yet locked my in my room.
MY BLOG IS NOT… Boring. Ever!
Compliments. Are. Awesome…..ALWAYS!
Only 5 answers? I’m with Rara here; I can usually see a zillion answers.
You should be flattered Nicki. Rara and I have never agreed before. Of course she used he word ‘math’ when it should be ‘maths’ but i’ll let her off here.
I went to public school and didn’t graduate from college, so conversations like these make me feel inferior.
Rara and I just love to take a gentle pop at each other, and occasionally non-combatants suffer collateral damage.
Better than taking a gentle poop on each other.
I’m not a German with a droopy moustache. so that puts me at a natural disadvantage. Neither is Rara. We’re just not equipped for the job.
See, now I’m confused again. I thought all you needed was a hole in your butt.
Bwuahaha, I don’t know what happened in this conversation, but I love it. (Also - it’s totally just “math”. Also, also, I went to public school too- and there’s nothin’ wrong with that.
)
I agree, Rara. I think one can only say “maths” if one has been to “Oxford.” And is what we plebes call a “douche”.
No, you definitely need a droopy moustache. The guys need one as well.
I have a droopy mustache. On my butt. See, I am refusing to let this conversation be highbrow.
We seem to be discussing coprophilia. It’ doesn’t get more lowbrow than that, now does it?
Damn you for making me use Google.
Wages of sin. Wages of sin.
Though a gentle poop seems more endearing than an explosive one.
Even coming up with 5 answers to a single question would take me a week. “A or B?” would cause a meltdown. With the exception of math. Blissfully, math has just one answer. Until you get into science-math and then it gets weird again… blah! Anyway, loved your list.
MATH PROBLEMS HAVE ONLY ONE ANSWER??? Revelations like these make it clear why my life hasn’t gone as planned. I’m happy you like my list, because I like everything you do, Rara.
I had to look up coprophilia and ewww! ditto Nicki, damn Nobody for making me google that word, now I’m going to have to figure out how to use it in a conversation, it’s just too good a word not to…
I’m sure you can figure out a way. I have confidence in you!